Thursday, 22 May 2008

The Geography of an Exam from a student’s point of view

6:00 – waking up, assessing the beyond-critical situation. Heart burning, stomach churns and general feeling of weakness or fainting
6:15 – getting ready. Taking papers, pens, notes to put in various places for inspiration, as if you’re allowed with the whole library in the exam room
6:30 – realizing the uselessness of the event that occurred at 6:15. Re-evaluating the situation and taking just one pen and a few papers.
6:40 – setting off so that you’d get on time, before others so you can sit in a good place, behind somebody who knows more shit than you… that is, anyone at all to say the least.
7:15 – getting to the exam room and realizing that all of the seats you wanted are already taken by people who know far less than you do and have been in the exam room since half past five in the morning. Last choice, sit in front without possibility to copy or chat to anyone who might help you pull through a D-
8:00 – the teacher and the supervisor/s enter the room (first reactions of the students: stirring, anxiousness, various information regarding close relatives, especially mothers of the teachers closely linked to public nudity or rape)
8:01 – handing of the subjects
8:01:30 – reactions (again, closely linked to mothers, luck, physical harm and death)
8:02 – “I think it’s time to hand in the exam. Should we stay a bit more just for the sake off it?”
8:30 – Calamity plan : write anything you can think about, even if it’s not on the subject, perhaps you’ll get a passing grade
8:31 – finished writing everything
8:32 – Calamity plan reloaded – self-encouragement (“I shouldn’t worry, I think everyone is doing the same thing”)
10:00 – Time for the exam is up. Handing in the papers to the examining teacher, with a smile that is closely correlated with the first two reactions. The smoking area is governed by the question : “ how did you do? “ with answers closely linked to reproduction organs of the male homo sapiens sapiens.
10:30 – saying goodbye to everyone, with notes like “I didn’t want to come to this stupid university anyway, I’d have been better off doing something else”